Authenticity is Garbage
It’s 2021now, and the word authentic is trendy. Just be authentic is the advice today
It’s like if you are authentic everything else will fall back to its place.
And because of that false expectation, people find themselves struggling a lot. They seem to misunderstand the concept of it. They think being authentic is to be who they really are 24/7.
What does it even mean to be authentic?
It might mean to be genuine and to be real. But here’s the thing literally no person is genuine and real 100% of the time, but kids under 2. Everyone else, at least people after the age of 3, wear some type of mask. As William Shakespeare said All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts.
Every word that comes from our mouth has an intention, conscious or unconscious. We want to achieve, get, or create something by sharing certain things and by showing certain masks of ourselves.
Most human beings are going through something daily, and many of them struggle with one thing or another. It’s just human nature. Even though we all cheer for authenticity neither of us wants our dentist to be authentic and tell us before our wisdom tooth how stressed he/she is and how she slept just 2 hours and doesn’t feel confident at all. We want them to show us the best self and show up as the best version of themselves. We don’t want their “authenticity”, we want them to pretend that they are the best surgeons in the world.
Even though we say we want someone to be authentic in reality we all want them to be their best selves. what people say they want and what they actually want are two different things.
For me to be authentic is to represent the core of who you are in the best way you possibly can. It’s having the courage to be your best self. To enter every room as your best self. Meaning not acting or talking differently just to fit into some sort of box(es). Being authentic is when you are being intentional with your words, thoughts, and actions. When you examine every word that lives in your mouth and every thought that comes to your head.
The intention of authenticity should be to bring value. To create the positive impact.
I often see how people are whining and complaining about their life or being very negative and covering all that with an authenticity mask.
I think sharing our struggles and challenges is very important. But there is a huge difference between whining and sharing. When you share you also have to add a solution. When someone shares not only the struggles but also how they overcame those struggles they are being authentic. When someone is only sharing the struggles, they are using you as a negativity damping station. They will empty out themselves and will feel better afterward. Or they have a victim mentality and want people to know how much they suffer so they can feel sorry for them.
Unless you are certain that sharing your ongoing struggle itself is going to bring value to someone don’t share it. Sometimes if we realize that we aren’t alone and somebody else is going through a similar thing we might feel better.
And there is nothing wrong with emptying out ourselves as well. But there is a time and a place for it. You can’t do it with everyone. You have to be sure that the person you are going to share your struggles with is ready to listen to and has the capacity to be present with you at that very moment. And you have to be honest about your own intention.
Something only becomes a problem when we make it whatever it isn’t. It’s all about intention in life and authenticity isn’t different. When you wake up in the morning make sure you are being the best human being you can possibly be. Moment by moment, choose to be the best version of yourself. Stop complaining about your struggles. Spend that time on finding solutions to your struggles, so you can not only grow through your own pain but help others do the same with your solutions.
And if you need to share, share with a person that deserves to hear it. Let them know that you need “active listening”, that you need advice or their presence and accept it if they are available to give it to you.
You can be foolishly authentic and talk, think, act unintentionally or you can be wisely authentic and talk, think, act intentionally. The choice is yours to make!
Being your worst self is easy because it doesn’t take much to do so. You can be the worst human being so easily. Being the best or at least very good is much harder because it takes consistent effort and hard work, mental clarity, willpower, being aware, and to be conscious.
Real authenticity lays in having the courage to be the best version of yourself possible.
So tell me, are you the courageous one?
Originally published at https://anirich.blog on December 25, 2020.