I have always been a pretty straightforward person, and it never worked for me. I would tell my friends whatever I thought, unfiltered. I would upset people. Then I would stop telling the truth. I would get tired of being quiet and “not being true to myself” and start being honest again, upsetting people around me. I repeated the cycle until I understood what was missing. I wasn’t a great communicator.
That was my problem: I thought I should say everything that was in my mind, the way I wanted to say it, and without tact.
See, the art of communication is talking in a way that a certain person has the capacity to understand. Being authentic isn’t saying whatever you think but making every word intentional, and everything you say should be true. Honesty without tact is also not going to get you very far.
I stopped giving unsolicited advice. I tried to understand if the person sharing their problems with me wanted advice or just a listening ear. I started to ask them if they needed active listening or if their purpose for sharing was that they wanted my advice.
I learned that often people have solutions to their own problems; they just want to share, almost think out loud with you. People only made changes or improved their lives based on realizations they had themselves.
Instead of giving advice, I started to ask them questions. Instead of judging them, I became curious and tried to put myself in their shoes. I asked them questions that would help them find their own answers.
I stopped hurting people, and most of all, I stopped hurting myself. My friendships became deeper, and I suddenly found myself surrounded by deep, meaningful connections with amazing people.
Listen to others the way you want to be heard. ❤
Much Love,
Ani Rich ❤
