I’ve struggled with perfectionism throughout my teenage years and early twenties. I’m the first child and first grandchild, and I also attended and graduated from my aunt’s school, which added extra pressure.
I felt I had to be an example for everyone, everywhere. I had to have the best behavior, look my best, be presentable, and be fun to be around. My room always had to be clean, and my grades needed to be the highest. If I got an A-, I would literally have panic attacks before going home.
That likely had a lot to do with how I treated myself during my adult years. I demanded so much from myself until one day I had a breakdown. I couldn’t get out of bed and wanted to die. I was crying non-stop and literally thought I wanted to die.
Looking back, I realize now that I was just burned out to the point that I couldn’t physically keep going, and I translated that feeling of infinite exhaustion as wanting to die.
The way you are raised and what you are told as a child become your inner thoughts as you grow up.
The way I took myself out of that really dark place could be a whole book in and of itself. But if I have to say one thing, it is that as an adult, you’ve got to stop, take a moment at some point, and be brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself about the life you are living: how much of it is truly you, what you want, and who you truly are, versus how much of it is who you were raised to be or how you think it should be going.
That is your first and most important step — a foundation that holds the rest. When you start any kind of spiritual work, self-development, or healing — call it whatever you want — it all seems like a huge staircase where you see no end. Because it seems unattainable, you give up before you even start.
My advice and what I tell myself is to focus on what’s in front of you, the first step, and only that. Somehow, the rest always ends up working out. All you truly have to do is to start and be so committed to that first step that the rest works itself out.
Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” While I don’t fully agree with it, I also can’t disagree. What I believe with my whole heart is that you can’t be happy living someone else’s dream. You have got to make sure your life is what you want and not what you think it should be.
Much Love,
Ani Rich ❤
