This is how you can get more love, so you can love others more

We love people the way we want to be loved. We show our love towards the people around us the way we want to accept love.

In reality, everyone wants to be loved differently. We all have unique needs. And we all want to be loved in our unique way.

It sounds so simple. We can all say how we want to be loved and also ask others how they want to be loved. We can love each other the way each person wants to be loved and everyone can live a happy life together.

Unfortunately, not all of us know that truth. Most of the people choose not to share how they want to be loved and they are waiting that their surroundings are going to be mind readers. Very rarely does a person say what he or she actually wants and accepts and what not. And sometimes even if we do share people around us choose to ignore our needs and by doing so they ignore and disrespect us.

We all have different wants and needs. The boundaries are unique to every individual. The first step is to ask your loved ones, how they want to be loved (see more questions at the end of the blog) and actually start working on loving your surroundings the exact way that they ask for it. The second step is to say what you want and also add how you prefer to be delivered and served whatever you want.

It’s all about serving people and getting served. It’s a cycle for which to work correctly needs every person to do his own part. You can’t get what you want without giving others whatever they want. It’s a dance of giving and taking. You give and then you take. You take and it’s time for giving again.

If we don’t start to become straightforward, our lives will remain challenging. Being straightforward doesn’t mean always saying whatever you want the way you want it at that very second. It’s about saying the truth in the best, acceptable way possible for whoever is involved in that truth.

Somebody said that Honesty, without tact, is cruelty.

So make sure that when you are being honest, you are also tactful. It’s all about coming from a place of love. How can we share our truth without bringing suffering to others? And yes some people will pretend they suffer only because to get what they want and those people can be only changed when they decide to. I’m not talking about those people. What I’m saying is that when you want to share your truth (remember nobody likes to hear the truth) to the people you love make sure you are coming from a good place and your intention is to resolve the conflict and issue and not to cause it.

There always will be people who need to hear the harsh truth, because they aren’t able to understand your hints or even your straightforward words. There are rare cases when you literally need to explain EVERYTHING and put the words in people’s brains. Some people choose to just live according to their truth and never care about yours. With those type of people, try as much as you want and then please let them go for good.

Here are some questions we can ask our friends, partners, family members, and people we love in general;

1. Ask your partner, friend, co-worker, etc; How can I love you more?
2. When do you feel most loved?
3. When do you feel most seen, heard, and cared for?
4. What are your top 3 needs that have to be met in our relationship?
5. How can I serve you better?
6. How can I create a more safe space and environment for you and for your emotions?
7. What are your conscious or unconscious expectations from me and our relationship?
8. Do you think I’m able to love you the way you need and please tell me how can I start doing so? Where should I start?
9. Do you think what you are asking from me is reasonable and possible for me to do so?
10. Is there any question you want to be asked that I haven’t yet asked?

You can use the questions you like and replace the ones that you don’t. That’s the beauty of it. I’m just giving you an idea of how those questions can look. There are no fixed rules of how we can start loving each other more deeply. Take these questions and apply them to your relationships the way you want and is more helpful for you.

Remember changing our or our loved one’s habits takes time. If those people aren’t worth the time and energy for you then you know what to do. Just listen to your intuition or gut feeling and it will guide you throughout the journey. If your loved one’s values aren’t contradicting yours if someone else’s freedom isn’t limiting yours if someone’s needs aren’t against yours and you want those people in your life then go and start loving them the way they want to be loved.

Originally published at https://anirich.blog on December 10, 2020.